The Strange Story of Lucifer Cringe
In 1991 the Christian Church finally wound itself up. His Holiness Pope Anonymous I left the Vatican without remorse and the bulldozers moved in to demolish St. Peter's. On a thousand street corners the last plaintive note of a Salvation Army band faded into the traffic noises and disappeared. The silent delegates at the Methodist Conference shuffled out once the minutes had been read. A lonely priest put away his dog-collar and the altar candles flickered and dimmed as the Church died - it was over.
Two thousand years of Christ were over - and why? Because these unknown facts which science had never explained were finally explained and there could now be no God.
The man who had brought this about was physically insignificant. Lucifer Cringe, B.A., B.Sc., was of small stature, wearing thick-heeled shoes to raise him to four feet eight inches. His head was unusually large with a broad forehead and heavy eyebrows. His nose was arched and slender and a black curling moustache graced his lip. He had a black Van Dyke beard. He walked unsteadily because of his club foot and whenever possible he sat down.
Though nature had dealt so badly with him she had given him a great mind - and this was the mind which proved God to be a myth. The Church had its following because man had never explained the origin of himself, of life or of matter, and these explanations were the mission of Lucifer Cringe.
In 1987 he created a human being from single cells. The following year he created a living cell from raw elements, and in the late summer of 1991 he made matter from a vacuum. There was no God.
When presenting Lucifer Cringe with the "World Greatness" medal, President Snordley Brunge made his famous speech.
"Fellow men, through the genius of Lucifer Cringe we have proved that God never existed. Two thousand years of ignorance, fear and superstition have been ended. No longer need men bow down in degrading worship to the non-existent. The universe is MAN'S".
Later that year a small piece of man's universe, known as the SUN, blew up, shattering all the planets and wiping out man.
When the debris settled Lucifer picked himself up, dusted down his shoulders and, swinging his tail behind him strolled off into the void. After all, if God can have a Saviour, why cannot the Devil?